"I have always been a victim of history repeating itself" I've seen this from one of my former classmate's facebook status
liked it and said to myself
''hell yeah, I am a victim too."
This may be the first time I will blog about something like this here.
I tried to resist, but I can't.
I just have to write it down here hoping that one day when I finally have the courage to look back
I just have to smile with all the memories I have with you.
From the moment I stepped on the corners of that place
All I have on my mind is that this is the start of something new.
A beginning for my career, new friends, new challenges.
I find it hard to mingle with others since I am new.
I noticed you at once, but was taken aback because you don't have that friendly aura towards me.
Thought that "oh dear, its going to be a difficult 1st week for me."
And then one day, upon going home I was surprised because you said "hi"
We had this little chit chat as we go home, got separated at MRT because we just have to go near to that exit since we are too afraid that we can't go out when our station arrives. :)
I am on the left side, and you are on the right.
People flock in between us until just have to stop talking.
Honestly speaking, I was overwhelmed with all the things you have said to me.
The stories about the office, the tips on how to be friendly, who to friend or how to treat the boss.
As I arrived home, I texted my closest friend at once that I have found a friend finally. I am now looking forward to go to work!
The next day, I had my first overtime. I really wanted to ride my way back to home with you.
But one meeting hindered it. I really want to say can you wait? But I can't.
Who am I? Of course I know you want to go home straight away. I noticed that you came back after a minute or two because you forgot something on your table.
haha! Silly me, I thought you are checking me if meeting is over or not. :p
Then days passed by. I found out that you are going to leave.
I have to count the days for your stay.
I told my closest friend that office is fun especially when you are inspired every single minute.
But its about to end.
She said that two only possible things can happen.
"STOP or to BE CONTINUED"
I'm just inspired..no feelings yet.
Maybe because I found a friend in an environment where I am new in.
That's all that really matters. I need a friend.
And then I noticed how you care.
Every single "ingat ka pag-uwi ah", "san ka na?" "house ka na?" "kain ka na dinner?" "kasama mo na parents mo?" "goodnight!" "goodmorning! ingat ka papuntang office" really mattered to me.
I don't really know how to react that's why I just replied with "thanks! ikaw din."
or just a simple "THANKS! :)"
And since I am not really used to this for a while I just have to make funny jokes on you or aasarin nalang kita. In that way I can say that I care in a funny way. At least I made you laugh in one way or another.
And then your last week came.
It was funny how you text me of "may overtime ka?"
then I will say: "meron..kainis."
then you will reply: "aww. wala na naman ako kasabay. kaya mo yan! masanay ka na!"
Wednesday arrived. Last 3 days before you finally move-out.
I still have my overtime. dammit!
The last time i went home with you is during the first time that you said hi.
So what to do?
I have to say that I have an appointment in the evening with my boss so that I can go home exactly 6pm.
Which is true naman. Pero honestly, it can wait since it's in the evening naman.
Pero I just have to do it. Good thing the boss allowed me.
Then I am happy. We get to talk again far from the eyes of our other officemates.
Supposed to exit at Ortigas station but I was a bit scared that I can't go out quick so I decided to exit at Araneta Cubao station..your station.
I insisted that you just have to go home since you are only one jeepney ride away from your house but you decided to stay with me.
We talked even though hunger striked!
I had fun, but I was shy.
Plus you gave me airheads. That wraps it all up. :)
Then came your last day.
During that day, I texted my closest friend that this is the day I don't want to happen.
But I just have to sit and see what will happen next.
Before lunch time, i was surprised because Prince of Persia came into plans.
I was talking about Shrek 3 with you the night before. I know its not your type of movie but I want you to say it na "tara, nood tayo." kahit joke lang.
Was surprised that you want Prince of Persia.
Honestly, I don't want that movie. But I'll give it a try.
Was supposed to be on a Sunday but you are at Baler.
Surfing. That's ok with me.
Then that night you are at Subic drinking.
Its ok with me.
Told you that our plan can be pushed to next sunday or next monday which is a holiday,
no work for me.
First day without you in the office is sad.
I always look at your table..remembering how you look like when working.
Maybe its ok to say that I missed a friend.
But somehow I feel you are near since you always made my phone beep.
I get to confide to you my problems at the office.
Funny because I get to tell you that I'm about to go home, where am I, did I ate lunch or dinner or when I am about to sleep na.
We even talk about what tv channels are we watching.
Me watching on a Spongebob channel and you on an HBO channel.
I get to know that you love How I Met Your Mother TV series as well.
That you love that movie, Serendipity - which I love too.
And that you hate Twilight. Fine. :)
Whole day talk with you even if you are not around made me smile.
Even if I don't get to see you, I know you are near.
Saturday came.
I get to see Prince of Persia.
I rushed all my work in the office. Even my co-workers were surprised with how I managed to finish them all in time.
I finally get to see you after a week.
Movie was great!
After the movie, its late. MRT services were already out.
We have to get a bus ride where I am not familiar with.
But being with you made me feel safe.
You held my hands until we have to be separated again.
I really don't want to let it go but I have to.
"Miss na kita, gising ka na."
That was the first message I've read upon waking up the next day.
"Hello, goodmorning! kakagising ko lang. Miss na rin kita."
was what my right thumb pressed on my phone.
During that day, I know that I no longer see you as a friend.
Something changed.
But I'm ready to risk and try it.
I'm not doing any harm. All I know is that I am happy.
That day I get to go to mass alone. That night you asked me if we can go to mass next Sunday.
I agreed. Why shouldn't I?
At least I get to show him to God, even if I'm not yet ready with my Mom.
Plus you asked if I am ok for a movie marathon in your house.
I got second thoughts.. but I want to. So I said Yes.
Monday to Saturday was torture.
I'm starting to dislike my job.
I have constant headache.
You got coughs.
We start to comfort each other.
"Pwede ba ako nalang mag-alaga sayo?"
"tara, tabi ka sa akin..alagaan kita. Kahit sa isip lang."
Plus the thought of our plans for Sunday and Monday is killing me.
Kung pwede lang na mapabilis yung oras so that I can see you na.
But life has to make you wait.
Sunday came. I was excited.
Mass will start 3:30pm-4:30pm.
We decided to meet at 2:00pm.
I decided to enter at a different entrance so that you won't see me at once.
Time is ticking hard, and when I finally get to see you I got a tight hug.
I felt special especially when you held my hands like no one can get it away from you.
We ate at Mcdonald's because you crave for it.
I'm not that hungry but I get to order a float and a fries.
I enjoyed looking at you while you were eating. Its fun.
Something new for me.
Then mass came.
We were seated at the far left corner of the chapel.
Thoughts kept on bugging my mind that maybe someone I know might spot us.
But that doesn't really matter.
All i know is that I am with the person that I care about most at the moment.
Hotseats were usual.
I get to be asked when I arrive at home.
I just have to stay quiet or say something different.
As long as I am happy, there's no harm in doing it again.
Monday came.
movie trip day.
A day to meet his family even though his parents were not around.
Meeting his sister and his aunt still means a lot.
I get to see his world.
I woke up early, he woke up late since he went out on a night out that previous night with his friends for their business ventures.
I left home late because I have to make an errand for my online business.
Meeting place is at Starbucks-Araneta.
I just can't wait to see him again after 16 hours.
When he tapped me at the back, saw him wearing a cap, a shirt and a shorts.. I blushed.
I don't know?! Because he looked cute wearing a cap.
Im starting to like him more.
Going to their place is a big deal for me.
I get to eat lunch with his family.
I get to see how he live his everyday life.
I get to see the picture of his parents
I get to see Lordy, their dog.
I get to see some of their businesses.
I get to see him as a person.
I started to appreciate him more.
I've been there from 11:00am to 7:00pm.
Hurt Locker, Dear John, Up In The Air.
I didn't remember how these movies end up.
Because my mind is actually pre-occupied with the thought that I am with him.
And then the unexpected happened.
I have to say it was my first.
Yes, if ever you get to read this. That was my first.
And I won't ever forget you for that.
What's sad after that day is that I didn't expect that
that day will be the last day I will ever see you again.
I remember we were together counting the days until our next meet-up.
11 days? 2 weeks?
We promised we will wait and that we can do it together.
But things changed suddenly.
Cold treatment surfaced.
Phone beeps once a day.
Or worst, no message from you.
No more goodnights, no more goodmornings.
No more message from you..i only got one when you get to reply on one of my messages.
I asked if I can see you, but you said you were busy.
2 weeks passed..
and now for its 3rd week, I'm fed up with your silence.
Am I bugging you? I've got to have an answer.
June 30, 2010.
This is the first day I started crying for you.
You rejected me twice. I just can't continue carrying this feeling.
I have to tell it to you.
I saw you on online on facebook.
This is my chance.
I asked first whether you are ready for your interview for the next day.
Said my goodluck and finlly had the courage to say it to you.
"alam mo..namimiss ko yung dating *****. Sorry ah..pero yun nafifeel ko. I'm sorry if nagexpect ako that much.. kaya lagi kitang niyaya na makita ka. Pero I know naman na busy ka. Namiss ko lang yung dating ikaw.. kung weird. sorry."
And then he replied that he is confused as of the moment. That things were different from the way before when we were together. He needs to distance himself to me.
A sorry wasn't really enough.
"alam mo..sana sinabi mo na agad dati pa. Hindi yung para akong ewan kakaisip. Hindi naman ako galit sayo. Pero you left me hanging out of nowhere. Dati ok tayo.. tapos biglang ganon. cold. Pero cge kung yan gusto mo..fine with me."
I know he can't say it to me right away. All men are the same. But still, the thought of you investing your feelings for that person and then suddenly he will tell you that he has to leave is the kind of pain soo hard to endure.
"yoko sana kitang igive-up.. kasi iba pagkakakilala ko sayo. Pero kung ganito lang din... i hate this feeling."
I can't bear saying these things.
But I have to love myself..I have to think of myself now.
Funny how it seems. My last post was way back during the 1st day of February.
Well, a whole lot has changed for the past 5 months:
1. I am a college graduate
2. I am 21 years old.
3. I've been to a lot of job interviews
4. I am employed
5. I'm currently looking for a new job AGAIN.
6. I've met new friends
7. I've met...
8. I've had...
9. I have...
O yeah, enough said about those last 3 stuffs.
I admit! I am happier to what I am way back February because I've got issues back then.. but I was a lot happier during the mid of June. I am now faced with the same issues I've had, now with a different person involved.
Life is really hard for me...especially when we talk about l-o-l-o-l-o-l-o-
(consult Ashlee Simpson for this song, can't write the next 2 letters.)
Or maybe.. just maybe. I expect that much.
Do I?
Or maybe.. they are all just the same.
So what's new? Nothing that much.
My Mom said I look quite mature now.
Is that good or bad?! haha!
Good in a way that I no longer look young and mistaken to be a highschool student. (yabang!)
Bad in a way that I am already getting OLD? I'm no longer a teen! waaaaah! :(
Hindi ko na mapilit ang teen sa twenteen-one not like sa twenteen.
Pero, pwede pa rin naman. haha! Twenteen-One!
I just ultimately and desperately miss blogging.
Remember the old days, during 1st year college where everything was jotted down in this blog.
Now, its been dusty!
Yup, Im gonna graduate real soon! **fingers crossed with HIGH hopes**
Well, I know I will graduate.. no worries. haha!
But, just by thinking the tough road ahead, with all the requirements you have to pass, all the lectures you have to study that is forced to fit for this month?
Im gonna die!
As for my Birthday month, I really don't know how to celebrate it
since im turning 2NE1
Anyway, February is really the LOVE month.
It is known for hearts, cupids, flowers, chocolates, dates and valentines.
Whom will I celebrate it with?
Friends? Family?
hmmmm..
Enough said.
I will certainly watch VALENTINE'S day movie.
Papanoodin ko na lang sa DVD yung "Pano Na Kaya" basta mapanood ko lang
“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy idea.”
This has been the best definition of the word success that I have ever heard from a pronounced speaker or read from any other educational books within the span of 4 years in my university. Upon listening to the ‘Strangest Secret” by Earl Nightingale, I have realized that there is still a lot of more interesting things in stored for this God-given life to me as long as I believe that there is. Limitations are self-imposed and that people with GOALS are the only ones that succeed.
Guilty as it may seem, I am honest that for the past 2 years, I haven’t set a goal for myself. I do have plans in my little planner, but all of them are for short term…neither of them are long term goals. Upon evaluating myself, lots of things have changed, that’s true! But why is it that life is still the same? Maybe there are things that lacked motivation, things that need a little push… to progress into something that is a product of a worthy idea.
As a college student with a part-time work, my life isn’t boxed in a single world anymore. I will be thinking of my work, and of my studies simultaneously. Others may say that multi-tasking is impossible, but why limit yourself to the possible things? Life is more challenging when you made the impossible, possible.
At the start of the new year week, I have set 2 goals for both of the world that I belong in. A goal for my studies, and a goal for my work. Studies may come to an end by March as I finally have my graduation walk, but continuous learning happens when you are work.
ONE:
I’m performing well in my class except for one subject, which is Taxation. I hate math and accounting, unfortunately this subject is a mix of both, that’s why I am doomed! For this year up to the finals, I aim to change how my grades have resulted. Taxation will be one of my top subjects. This may seem hard, but just imagining that I get a 1.something in my class records feels great!
TWO:
Deciding to take a part time job during my last year in college is tough! But since I am already here, I am going to prove that my decision is right for me. I am going to leave behind the immaturity I’ve had as a student and start to be mature when it comes to accomplishing the tasks that work requires from me. As much as possible, all tasks must be accomplished on time. No procrastination.
Dreams don’t have deadlines. If we wish on things exclusively, it shall be given unto us. We become what we think about. We just have to believe that we will succeed.
I am Prim but Improper. I am a girl under construction. Life is beautiful. Love is just around the corner. ♥ I am Marielle, the lady behind the endless stories of this pretty blog. ♥
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