The difference between JUNE 30 and JULY 30

I shouldn't have made this blog entry

because it would just make me feel sick.

But everytime I try to realize it,

there's a BIG difference between my

JUNE 30 and JULY 30.

Let me jot down what I know.

JUNE 30

- I am bothered

- I am problematic

- I kept thinking about some thing. Or should I say, someone.

- I am desperate

- I still don't know what career path I really want to undertake

- I am sad

- I have mixed emotions

- I text you once a day

- We are friends.

- You said sorry

- I try to hold on

- The start of my GLOOMY days -

July 30

- I am one step away towards my dream career

- I am FINE

- I have my goals set

- I am no longer bothered

- I've got peace of mind

- I start to meet new friends

-  We are friends, at least that's what I know.

- I feel sorry for you

- I start to let go

- The start of my FREEDOM days -

**************************************************

One month really changes everything.

You just have to let yourself be changed, not only by time.

Everything happens for a reason.

I must live with it. 

Sweet tooth dilemma: SOLVED!

2 weeks ago I was having this major craving for something sweet.

Chocolate Sundae? = FAILED

Chocolates? = FAILED

Donuts? =FAILED

Kahit scramble nalang, FAILED parin.

Meron na plang scramble sold in Megamall.. so hindi na yung mga scramble sold in the street. :p

Pero I'm a fan of street foods. :))

Anyway, going back.

I was super depressed because I wasn't able to buy the food that I want.

I dunno. It's weird.

I think I was too busy the past few weeks.

That's why.

But thank goodness for Go Nuts Donuts

It answered my prayers. haha!

Swept my cravings all the way!

MY FIRST VICTIM!!!

Ang over ba?

Super dami ng donuts. haha!

Actually, I dragged my Mom to buy these donuts!

Well, my Mom is a big fan of donuts so I've got no problems there.

What's good is that when you buy 6 pcs of Go Nuts Donuts, you get another 6 pcs for free.

They have this promo for their vanilla cake and chocolate butterscotch donuts.

The orange ones.

It's for free because it is new in the market.

Sort of a taste test.

Yeah, MARKETING STRATEGY!

It works naman for a Marketer like me!

My sweet tooth super likes it!

So we bought 12 donuts

and got 12 free.

We have 2 dozens in our fridge now!

24 donuts all in all.

YUM YUM!!!

♥ Sweet tooth dilemma SOLVED! ♥

Serendipity

"You don't have to understand. You just have to have faith. Faith in Destiny."

I was around 14 yrs old when I first watched this movie.

And since then this movie became my all-time favorite! ♥

I was a bit surprised actually since I began to appreciate this movie way back in my teenie-weenie age. 

I really can't remember exactly why.

Well, I'm sure I haven't been in love with that age. haha!

Maybe I just had my crush back then.

Yeah, I remember one. He made me appreciate this movie.

Maybe I was thinking back then that when we are both ready,

our paths will meet again and start our own love story. :')

I don't know.

I can't explain why I love this movie.

Same as how others soo love Notting Hill or Pretty Woman. (for my Mom)

Maybe I can watch this like thrice a day and won't get tired of it. 

That's how I love it.

It always captures something inside of me.

Not only because ICE SKATING is featured in this movie.. (haha!)

But there is still something else.

Somewhere in my being that believes in what we call DESTINY or FATE in the UNIVERSE.

It's really hard to hold on to DESTINY because we are too uncertain about it.

We always have our 

"buts"

"what ifs" or

"what could have been"

 I myself don't want to believe in it because I am

IMPATIENT.

I want things rush, I want them to happen way fast.

But maybe with all the things that had happened or is happening to me,

the universe if making me realize that

everything happens for a reason and that I should just have to have faith.

FAITH IN DESTINY.

 

David Archuleta's 3rd Album

David Archuleta, American Idol's Season 7 finalist will release his 3rd studio album titled

"The Other Side of Down"
will be released on September 14, 2010 in the USA

with a carrier single

"Something 'Bout Love" was released on iTunes just today.

David Archuleta made it official in his twitter account stating that his brand new single is already out!

My apologies if it's a bit blurry.

But you can follow him on his verified twitter page at

http://twitter.com/DavidArchie

I am currently listening to his new song and I totally love it!

I really love his songs even his own versions during his American Idol days.

For me, he is waaaay better than Justin Bieber.

hahahaha!

Well, it is just my opinion. But I like them both.

I've got the track on my playlist.

I've listened to it for the NTH time! ♥

♫ There's something bout love that tears you up 

Whoa oh oh oh

You still believe ♫

Perfect for those people who got heart broken and still believes that love is still beautiful.

We all just have to wait for the perfect time for it to come. ♥

This one is exactly for you.

We go days without having a meaningful conversation,

and I use to miss you so much when that happened...

but it never seemed like you missed me.

And I guess because of it, I stopped missing you.

Going on to 3 weeks. What now?

My last blog post was a bit "too" emotional.

Yeah, sensing the irony there?

 Believe me or not I have read and re-read my

"I Need a Weak Week" blogpost for over

50 times. 

I really love reading the first part

to help me realize how stupid I was before.

Stupid in a sense that "I really did that?"

But I've got no regrets.

I just categorized myself as being STUPID.

Just plain STUPID.

But well, being like that doesn't really hurt.

At least I get to experience it once in my life

and that was just recently so it was still FRESH.

Oh well.. let me explain to you what had happened on my last 2 weeks 
which I have to undergo.

The first week was like hell.

All of the memories we've shared kept on flashing back.

All the text messages.

All the topics we have talked about.

All my replies.
All the kilig factor. ♥
Yup, I was kinda surprised I still remember them all.

I know myself.. 
I have this "short term memory" thing.

My Mom even hates me for being forgetful

But for this case, all things kept on flashing back.

Like it was one of the sweetest dreams

which turns out to be a nightmare in the end.

Bittersweet, I must say.
And bitter na kung bitter.
Being bitter makes me feel fine PERIOD

Going back.

I remembered EVERYTHING.

All the fake promises

All the fun talks

All the corny jokes

As in everything.

Pesky salty droplets kept on falling down from my eyes.

Just like what I've told my friend

"Walang pinipiling oras, kusang tumutulo"

Minutes before going to bed was the worst part of my day.

Yung tipong matutulog ka na nga, you need silence, then here are the memories again.

You don't want them to come back.. 
but then again you start to reflect and think things over

so flashbacks were there again.

I really hoped they were flushed right down the toilet during those nights.

I just don't want to remember then any longer.

My mind said STOP

but my heart said GO ON seems to enjoy it, even though it doesn't really like it.

During those "desperate" moments.

I need my friends.

So ayun, umaalis ako every other day.

Halos lahat na yata ng malls napuntahan ko.

Every friend group ko nakasama ko na.

I just want to be with their company.

I wanted my mind to drift away from those "flashing" memories.

At least when I get home, I'm just too plain tired to think over such silly stuffs.

Well, it worked.

I consider it as my moving-on part.

And my letting-go part, I suppose.

My 2nd week is much easier for me.

No more pesky salty water droplets.

But flashbacks were still there.

The only thing added to it is that I am now able to smile when I think about them.

Sometimes, I even ask myself:

"Talaga? Ginawa ko yun?"

But then again, let me clear myself

I did didn't regret any of those.

In fact, I did didn't regret meeting him.

Because I became stronger. 
I learned a lot. 

Maybe one of my closest college friend was right.

"He is just soo out of my league."

And maybe one of my closest highschool friend was also right

"Sometimes, rushing things has its disadvantage.

Yung tipong mauumpog ka nalang sa bato, then you'll realize na

Wait lang, hindi yata to gusto ko. I'm not yet ready for this."

But still

shoot me in the forehead NOW!

Because I'm still viewing his FB profile.

I'm still browsing his pictures.

Stupid. 
I love hate being stupid. Bow. 

Now, going on to 3 weeks, what to do now?

Honestly, I'm starting to realize lots of things.

Though I'm not yet really sure about it.

I'm starting to realize that maybe

I'm just too overwhelmed with his company before.

That being on a new environment, I was too eager to find a friend and meeting him

is just exactly how I didn't plan it to be.

I didn't see him coming.

And I didn't expected all those things to happen sooo fast.

Its like a whirlwind.

Gone too soon.

Sometimes I ask myself

maybe if I took things a bit slow

maybe we still talk to each other up to this date.

Maybe friendship would not be ruined.

Maybe we are still friends.

Maybe both of us won't get hurt.

Not in a way we are NOW.
COLD SILENCE.

Well, I guess everything happens for a reason.

God must have something more special in stored for the both of us.

It may not be for the both of us "together"

but maybe for our own separate lives.

I'm not really closing my doors because I still don't know what would happen in the next upcoming weeks.

All I know is that on my 3rd week, I have to start enjoying my days.

Life is good. Enjoy life.

And I think, its really time to find a JOB.

My DREAM JOB.

I just need a week.

"I have always been a victim of history repeating itself" I've seen this from one of my former classmate's facebook status

liked it and said to myself

''hell yeah, I am a victim too."

This may be the first time I will blog about something like this here.

I tried to resist, but I can't.

I just have to write it down here hoping that one day when I finally have the courage to look back

I just have to smile with all the memories I have with you.

From the moment I stepped on the corners of that place

All I have on my mind is that this is the start of something new.

A beginning for my career, new friends, new challenges.

I find it hard to mingle with others since I am new.

I noticed you at once, but was taken aback because you don't have that friendly aura towards me.

Thought that "oh dear, its going to be a difficult 1st week for me."

And then one day, upon going home I was surprised because you said "hi"

We had this little chit chat as we go home, got separated at MRT because we just have to go near to that exit since we are too afraid that we can't go out when our station arrives. :)

I am on the left side, and you are on the right.

People flock in between us until just have to stop talking.

Honestly speaking, I was overwhelmed with all the things you have said to me.

The stories about the office, the tips on how to be friendly, who to friend or how to treat the boss.

As I arrived home, I texted my closest friend at once that I have found a friend finally. I am now looking forward to go to work!

The next day, I had my first overtime. I really wanted to ride my way back to home with you.

But one meeting hindered it. I really want to say can you wait? But I can't.

Who am I? Of course I know you want to go home straight away. I noticed that you came back after a  minute or two because you forgot something on your table.

haha! Silly me, I thought you are checking me if meeting is over or not. :p

Then days passed by. I found out that you are going to leave.

I have to count the days for your stay.

I told my closest friend that office is fun especially when you are inspired every single minute.

But its about to end.

She said that two only possible things can happen.

"STOP or to BE CONTINUED"

I'm just inspired..no feelings yet.

Maybe because I found a friend in an environment where I am new in.

That's all that really matters. I need a friend.

And then I noticed how you care.

Every single "ingat ka pag-uwi ah", "san ka na?" "house ka na?" "kain ka na dinner?" "kasama mo na parents mo?" "goodnight!" "goodmorning! ingat ka papuntang office" really mattered to me.

I don't really know how to react that's why I just replied with "thanks! ikaw din."

or just a simple "THANKS! :)"

And since I am not really used to this for a while I just have to make funny jokes on you or aasarin nalang kita. In that way I can say that I care in a funny way. At least I made you laugh in one way or another.

And then your last week came.

It was funny how you text me of "may overtime ka?"

then I will say: "meron..kainis."

then you will reply: "aww. wala na naman ako kasabay. kaya mo yan! masanay ka na!"

Wednesday arrived. Last 3 days before you finally move-out.

I still have my overtime. dammit!

The last time i went home with you is during the first time that you said hi.

So what to do?

I have to say that I have an appointment in the evening with my boss so that I can go home exactly 6pm.

Which is true naman. Pero honestly, it can wait since it's in the evening naman.

Pero I just have to do it. Good thing the boss allowed me.

Then I am happy. We get to talk again far from the eyes of our other officemates.

Supposed to exit at Ortigas station but I was a bit scared that I can't go out quick so I decided to exit at Araneta Cubao station..your station.

I insisted that you just have to go home since you are only one jeepney ride away from your house but you decided to stay with me.

We talked even though hunger striked!

I had fun, but I was shy.

Plus you gave me airheads. That wraps it all up. :)

Then came your last day.

During that day, I texted my closest friend that this is the day I don't want to happen.

But I just have to sit and see what will happen next.

Before lunch time, i was surprised because Prince of Persia came into plans.

I was talking about Shrek 3 with you the night before. I know its not your type of movie but I want you to say it na "tara, nood tayo." kahit joke lang.

Was surprised that you want Prince of Persia.

Honestly, I don't want that movie. But I'll give it a try.

Was supposed to be on a Sunday but you are at Baler.

Surfing. That's ok with me.

Then that night you are at Subic drinking.

Its ok with me.

Told you that our plan can be pushed to next sunday or next monday which is a holiday,

no work for me.

First day without you in the office is sad.

I always look at your table..remembering how you look like when working.

Maybe its ok to say that I missed a friend.

But somehow I feel you are near since you always made my phone beep.

I get to confide to you my problems at the office.

Funny because I get to tell you that I'm about to go home, where am I, did I ate lunch or dinner or when I am about to sleep na.

We even talk about what tv channels are we watching.

Me watching on a Spongebob channel and you on an HBO channel.

I get to know that you love How I Met Your Mother TV series as well.

That you love that movie, Serendipity - which I love too.

And that you hate Twilight. Fine. :)

Whole day talk with you even if you are not around made me smile.

Even if I don't get to see you, I know you are near.

Saturday came.

I get to see Prince of Persia.

I rushed all my work in the office. Even my co-workers were surprised with how I managed to finish them all in time.

I finally get to see you after a week.

Movie was great!

After the movie, its late. MRT services were already out.

We have to get a bus ride where I am not familiar with.

But being with you made me feel safe.

You held my hands until we have to be separated again.

I really don't want to let it go but I have to.

"Miss na kita, gising ka na."

That was the first message I've read upon waking up the next day.

"Hello, goodmorning! kakagising ko lang. Miss na rin kita."

 was what my right thumb pressed on my phone.

During that day, I know that I no longer see you as a friend.

Something changed.

But I'm ready to risk and try it.

I'm not doing any harm. All I know is that I am happy.

That day I get to go to mass alone. That night you asked me if we can go to mass next Sunday.

I agreed. Why shouldn't I?

At least I get to show him to God, even if I'm not yet ready with my Mom.

Plus you asked if I am ok for a movie marathon in your house.

I got second thoughts.. but I want to. So I said Yes.

Monday to Saturday was torture.

I'm starting to dislike my job.

I have constant headache.

You got coughs.

We start to comfort each other.

"Pwede ba ako nalang mag-alaga sayo?"

"tara, tabi ka sa akin..alagaan kita. Kahit sa isip lang."

Plus the thought of our plans for Sunday and Monday is killing me.

Kung pwede lang na mapabilis yung oras so that I can see you na.

But life has to make you wait.

Sunday came. I was excited.

Mass will start 3:30pm-4:30pm.

We decided to meet at 2:00pm.

I decided to enter at a different entrance so that you won't see me at once.

Time is ticking hard, and when I finally get to see you I got a tight hug.

I felt special especially when you held my hands like no one can get it away from you.

We ate at Mcdonald's because you crave for it.

I'm not that hungry but I get to order a float and a fries.

I enjoyed looking at you while you were eating. Its fun.

Something new for me.

Then mass came.

We were seated at the far left corner of the chapel.

Thoughts kept on bugging my mind that maybe someone I know might spot us.

But that doesn't really matter.

All i know is that I am with the person that I care about most at the moment.

Hotseats were usual.

I get to be asked when I arrive at home.

I just have to stay quiet or say something different.

As long as I am happy, there's no harm in doing it again.

Monday came.

movie trip day.

A day to meet his family even though his parents were not around.

Meeting his sister and his aunt still means a lot.

I get to see his world.

I woke up early, he woke up late since he went out on a night out that previous night with his friends for their business ventures.

I left home late because I have to make an errand for my online business.

Meeting place is at Starbucks-Araneta.

I just can't wait to see him again after 16 hours.

When he tapped me at the back, saw him wearing a cap, a shirt and a shorts.. I blushed.

I don't know?! Because he looked cute wearing a cap.

Im starting to like him more.

Going to their place is a big deal for me.

I get to eat lunch with his family.

I get to see how he live his everyday life.

I get to see the picture of his parents

I get to see Lordy, their dog.

I get to see some of their businesses.

I get to see him as a person.

I started to appreciate him more.

I've been there from 11:00am to 7:00pm.

Hurt Locker, Dear John, Up In The Air.

I didn't remember how these movies end up.

Because my mind is actually pre-occupied with the thought that I am with him.

And then the unexpected happened.

I have to say it was my first.

Yes, if ever you get to read this. That was my first.

And I won't ever forget you for that.

What's sad after that day is that I didn't expect that

that day will be the last day I will ever see you again.

I remember we were together counting the days until our next meet-up.

11 days? 2 weeks?

We promised we will wait and that we can do it together.

But things changed suddenly.

Cold treatment surfaced.

Phone beeps once a day.

Or worst, no message from you.

No more goodnights, no more goodmornings.

No more message from you..i only got one when you get to reply on one of my messages.

I asked if I can see you, but you said you were busy.

2 weeks passed..

and now for its 3rd week, I'm fed up with your silence.

Am I bugging you? I've got to have an answer.

June 30, 2010.

This is the first day I started crying for you.

You rejected me twice. I just can't continue carrying this feeling.

I have to tell it to you.

I saw you on online on facebook.

This is my chance.

I asked first whether you are ready for your interview for the next day.

Said my goodluck and finlly had the courage to say it to you.

"alam mo..namimiss ko yung dating *****. Sorry ah..pero yun nafifeel ko. I'm sorry if nagexpect ako that much.. kaya lagi kitang niyaya na makita ka. Pero I know naman na busy ka. Namiss ko lang yung dating ikaw.. kung weird. sorry."

And then he replied that he is confused as of the moment. That things were different from the way before when we were together. He needs to distance himself to me.

A sorry wasn't really enough.

"alam mo..sana sinabi mo na agad dati pa. Hindi yung para akong ewan kakaisip. Hindi naman ako galit sayo. Pero you left me hanging out of nowhere. Dati ok tayo.. tapos biglang ganon. cold. Pero cge kung yan gusto mo..fine with me."

I know he can't say it to me right away. All men are the same. But still, the thought of you investing your feelings for that person and then suddenly he will tell you that he has to leave is the kind of pain soo hard to endure.

"yoko sana kitang igive-up.. kasi iba pagkakakilala ko sayo. Pero kung ganito lang din... i hate this feeling."

 I can't bear saying these things.

But I have to love myself..I have to think of myself now.

We can only be friends.

Only friends.

-Marielle-

July 2, 2010